Now that you know the root cause of any challenge with food and body is your belief system, here’s another important point –
Most of the time, you don’t actually know what those beliefs are.
For us intellectual folk this might come across as an insult. What do you mean, I don’t even know what I believe in?
But it’s true.
Most of the beliefs and programs that run your life – you’re not aware of what they are, and 9/10 times – you don’t even know where you got them from.
That’s because they’re buried deep, and they’re subconscious. Meaning: they operate under your conscious awareness.
Now, there are many things we do without any conscious thought – such as walking, washing the dishes, driving a car etc. We’ve repeated these actions so many times that our body knows how to do it better than the conscious direction of our mind.
This is natural. And for the most part rather convenient – it makes life much easier that we don’t have to think too hard about walking or how to make a cup of tea. Our body just takes care of it all.
The flip-side of this?
Well, what patterns of thinking are you unconsciously repeating that does NOT serve you? (we’ll get to these in a minute – but first, a bit more on the subconscious mind)
1. Your Subconscious Mind
Our earliest cognitive moments where we take in the world and embed those thoughts and feelings deeply into our psyche… We don’t even remember them.
Your brain is a record of the past.– Dr. Joe Dispenza
Meaning, what you consider as YOUR thoughts are not necessarily yours, but more accurately: A record of stuff you heard as a child, which is really OTHER PEOPLE’S thoughts and beliefs.
80% of the brain’s development happens before you’re 3. So, you get filled with other people’s mental files and records when you’re young (that would be your parents, siblings, friends, teachers etc…). And, you don’t even remember what those were.
But what’s certain is that almost ALL of those things you learned before you had any conscious memory of them – were messages primarily focused on:
- Survival
- How to fit in
- And how to be liked by the group
Something that young girls picked up would be something like:
“In order to fit in and be ‘liked’ – you need to look and be a certain way.”
Big deal, right? (And we weren’t even aware of it…)
2. Take a Moment to Accept where You Are
The truth is most people are too busy to think about their thinking. They were never taught that it’s important to understand yourself, and at the root level – that means examining your beliefs carefully. You don’t know what you don’t know, but in order to know you first need to make peace with and accept where you are.
If you’re denying or unable to accept the fact that most of your beliefs are not your own, it will be very hard to move forwards. If you’re blaming yourself or others for not knowing better, it will be impossible to grow.
You can’t change what you don’t understand. And acceptance is the first step towards understanding.
So take a deep breath, and trust that at this exact time in your life, you’re exactly where you need to be.
3. Examples of subconscious beliefs that mess up your relationship with food (and yourself)
Once you start to get curious about your own patterns and beliefs, you’ll start to notice what they are. That’s how things work: seek and you shall find. All that’s required is your openness and the discipline to refrain from self-judgement.
To get the ball rolling, here are some unconscious beliefs that I once firmly held onto. Perhaps you’ll recognize them, too.
i) Being a particular shape or size = Being loved and happy
This one is so common.
As children, we’ve all experienced conditional love at some point. This is not a bad reflection on our moms and dads, caregivers and teachers – it’s just the nature of this world: we’re imperfect! (and it’s helpful to accept this, instead of denying it)
There’s a lot to this one, from how much self-compassion your parents had for themselves, to how your teachers treated you in school. But I want to shine a spotlight on your relationship with your mother. Because this one is big.
For many, our mothers, in some way or form, tried to prevent us from gaining weight when we were younger.
It’s not out of judgement or disappointment towards you, but she likely had an unconscious belief (perhaps passed down from her mother) that went something like:
“If you gain weight, then you might not find love, and then you might end up alone, and then you’ll be miserable and unhappy.”
She DOES NOT want that for you. She wants you to be happy and loved.
So – in that distorted worldview, she thinks she’s protecting you from unhappiness.
As children it’s easy to absorb our mother or father’s beliefs as our own – even though it is not you who had this idea in the first place.
The important thing here is to come to peace with your mother and forgive her.
Even if your experience was mostly loving, there will be areas where you’re silently holding her accountable for your shortcomings. The more unconditional love you have for your mom, the more unconditional love you offer to yourself and your body. And as a result you’ll feel more at peace in your own body.
You don’t have to believe in this for its effects to be true. Give it a try.
ii) Food (or your body) is the enemy
If you’ve gone on lots of diets where you’re measuring, restricting and trying to stick to certain rules; or you’re very controlling with food or some other aspects of your life – chances are you have an unconscious belief that food (or your body) is the enemy, and therefore you need to control it.
This is one of those beliefs that can be dealt with very swiftly and definitively: it’s not true.
The harder question is: are you willing to relinquish the addiction to battling food and yourself, in order to accept the truth that food is here to nourish you, and your body is your friend?
We are genetically, evolutionarily, biologically, and Divinely designed to require and desire food. Not only does food sustain our existence, we’re also designed to get pleasure from food. It’s supposed to be enjoyable and connect you to yourself and others.
If you’re believing in the lie that food (or your body) is the enemy, and that it needs to be controlled or suppressed – you’re literally fighting against life itself. It’s like believing that breathing and oxygen is the enemy. Or that life is against you.
Once you shift into the awareness that food is here to serve you, and your body is your friend, you’ll notice a complete shift in your experiences with eating and being in your body.
iii) My diet must be perfect, otherwise there’s no point
This is a teenage level of thinking – the Either/Or extremes. We’re so convinced about what’s right or wrong, and tend to see things as black and white. When you find yourself thinking in this way, remind yourself that this is the teenager in you running the show. It’s easy to find the extremes when it comes to diets and exercise, but it takes a lot more maturity to embody nuance and moderation.
Instead of reacting in ways that a younger, more naive you would have done, try something different.
If you “mess up”, forgive yourself and start again.
It’s way easier to feel guilty, wrong, and a failure – this is the pattern we’ve all been conditioned to repeat. And you might even feel righteous doing it, because “bad” behaviour needs to be punished.
But that cycle only leads to more destruction.
I invite you to take the road less traveled, to dig deep, and learn to forgive yourself for your errors. You do not improve by telling yourself you are rotten. You grow by holding, with a gentle heart, the potential of your growing into something better. Forgiveness is the way.